Saturday, June 3, 2017

Improptu Reviews: The Spanish Billionaire's Pregant Wife: Chapters 1-4

NOTE: I'm uploading this here. I originally posted in on my facebook timeline, but it's difficult to find and re-read. 

I was challenged to read The Spanish BIllionaire's Pregnant Wife, a terrible romance novel. Here's my summary of chapters 1-4.
Bloody hell, no more than 20 pages in and dark brooding rich guy (Leandro) and virginal naive heroine (Molly) have already had a snog. After he nobly defended her from drunk people pinching her bum, of course.
But what's this? Oh no, he needs a lift home! Don't worry, Molly's mini has been painted pink by her PLATONIC MALE FRIEND and flatmate Jez. So she gives him a lift.
And then they have the sex.
Best line in chapter 3? he kissed her and muttered some Spanish stuff
Foreshadowing with incredible subtlty: . . . It was a challenge for him to believe that there could be a genuine risk of her falling pregnant by him . . .
Oh and now he's having an erotic day dream during a work meeting.
And of course he knows her address.
Because he had her followed
And he calls her gatita
Oh he offers to make her his mistress after their night of passion
She says no cos she ain't no slut, y'all. She's a classy art school graduate who's a potter in her spare time.
And now Spanish Billionaire has turned up on Ms Naive's doorstep. They kiss and mutter SPanish stuff, then have champagne. But oh no! They didn't use a condom! What morons. Have neither of them heard of the morning after pill? Seriously? Why such a song and dance?
And Molly whines about the stigma of being an illegitimate child because . . . she was an illegitimate child! DUN DUN DUN!
But then PLATONIC MALE FRIEND Jez appears, with his blu eyes flashing! And Sexy Billionaire leaves in a huff. Oh drama! And Jez casually mentions that he quite fancies Molly. What? Jez, PLATONIC MALE FRIEND, does not have platonic feeling for Molly the Moron? SHock horror!
I hate this book.

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