Saturday, June 3, 2017

Improptu Reviews: The Spanish Billionaire's Pregant Wife: Chapter 6

Time for more Spanisn shenanigans.
Chapter 6
We start off with Molly in her tacky tacky dress (including “filmy” underwear: that sounds a bit like clingfilm but okay). Don’t lie to me, Molly, that snow beast monstrosity is not “a fairy tale of fluid organza”.
And wonderful PLATONIC Jez is there, telling her that it isn’t too late for her to change her mind. But no, Molly MUST marry Spanish ATM, otherwise her child will be ILLEGITIMATE. Molly, this book was written in the 2000s- get over your damn Freudian excuse.
And off they go, with PLATONIC Jez acting as a witness at the church. The wedding lasts . . . half a page.
And of course Molly is referred to as “the blushing bride”. I’d be blushing if I had such little fashion sense.
So the newly weds go to eat at a hotel, still in their wedding gear, then it’s on to Leandro’s PRIVATE AEROPLANE! Leandro complains about Molly hiring a photographer. Molly tells him to get a grip. Leandro calls her hysterical. Our happy couple, everyone.
And then they shag. Welcome to the Mile High Club, Molly. I’m sure your “stiff swollen peaks” and “throbbing crests” will be much appreciated. Leandro of course has been a member for a long time, due to his skill at “extract[ing} [people] from [their] remaining garments”. KLASSY. And that weird tongue in navel thing? Super KLASSY.
Of couse, Molly’s got a “wild, fierce longing inside” with “neither conscience nor shame”. She’s got a “storm of excitement … [driving] her out of control”. Apparently “in beds [she’s] absolute perfection”.
Also apparently it’s “unrealistic and greedy for her to want more than [hawt sexy sex] from a guy who he felt was rather out of her league when it came to looks and success”. Damn it Molly, get some self esteem!
And then it’s off to Spanish ATM”s SPANISH CASTLE. Dios mio. And the staff are waiting outside to greet them, and Leandro’s snobby family. Except for his younger sister, who’s super cool and studies fashion and stuff. And she meets the estate manager FERNANDO, who is sexy Spanish gardener or something. But what’s this? Uh oh, Leandro doesn’t want his waifu chatting to sexy Spanish gardener.
Our happy couple, everyone!

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